I feel like life is swallowing me up little by little.. Tears have been flowing everynow and then because I felt that hope have departed from me. Confusion emanates from my thoughts as though I'm going to be cazy soon.

Did I ever loved her? The answer is I did although I thought I didn't at first. That's why it is difficult to let it go. I don't want to change my decision because of what I'm feeling now, because its based on emotions again. I really hope we can be friends and play tennis together still. "God wants to teach you to be a real man and real man lives by principles." I agree with that totally brother, and I ask God to teach me to be a real man. A man for His kingdom, for my life partner, for my family and for my life. I concluded that I'm like a leaf, swaying wherever the winds blows, wherever my emotions leads me to.

I have not moved on. I know its not easy for the both of us right now, but I just hope this is only good for both of us, although it has always been about me.. Sorry.

Was drunk and emotional last night, cry, vomitted and even slept at my void deck for God knows how long until I decided to go home. What a night, which I pray I'll never want to go through that again. I just need God to show me glimpses of His call in my life. I need His direction in my life and most importantly His forgiveness in my life..